She's what you would call a...

Top 3 Phenomenons that Occur on a Jamal-Family Road Trip

[prologue]: this post is largely overdue. We decided to trek out to our neigbouring province, Alberta, in the last week of July. (Literally a DAY after we got back from L.A.) As can be witnessed by one glance at a calendar (or iPhone apps(?) for all you technological folks that proclaim,"PRINT IS DEAD!") it is now the last week of August. No worries, this post will still be as delicious as it would have been, if posted on time.
**do NOT pay attention to my outfits! I dressed like a bum because: 
1. it was a family vacay. 'nuff said.
2. it was HOT. forget accessorizing and layering!
3. it was a family vacay.

1. There are an incessant amount of bathroom breaks. It's as if my parents are a part of an impromptu competition in which the objective is to stop at all the available rest areas every half hour increments. What do they think the prize is!? A natural cure for thier diarrhea? A rare, not-yet-FDA-approved laxative that will relieve their constipation with only a few severe side effects? Or perhaps they want bragging rights. Like, *insert Pakistani/Indian accent*,
"Vee stopped at all tha vaashroomz on tha vay. That is nearly vun-hundred vaashroomz!"
Whoa, that deserves some cyber applause, hey? Applause for my parents, please!

Example one of bad outfit. Just enjoy the scenery, please!

2. A giant bags of Doritos is consumed. You can't mess with tradition, and if tradition is an American-originated-Mexican-influenced crunchy tortilla snack smothered with artificial cheese, then so be it. Purchased from the The Real Canadian Superstore (adorably coined 'Stupidstore' when we were naive grade-school children and did not appreciate the convenience of buying socks and celery FROM THE SAME STORE, OMG.), it is precariously placed in a laundry basket. (My parents refuse to believe that it is one, thinking instead it's an oversized picnic basket. Really, parents, really?). 5 minutes on the road and one of my snooty siblings (out of MANY. Okay, three. m'A) proceed to complain about their dying hunger. They then proceed to stuff their grubby little faces, powdered cheese flying every which way and drool escaping their mouths periodically.

I present one grubby little face. See me in the background all perlexed and exasperated? Yup, t'is how the story unfolds.

3. We MUST must must stop at ALL "Welcome to Blah blah blah..!" signs. It is a prerequisite for a good vacation, I think that is what my family thinks. The following pictures are proof of said debauchery of self-dignity:

So there you have it folks! The top 3 phenomenons that occur on Jamal-Family Road Trips. (As if that wasn't blantaly obvious by the title, sheesh). Please, now, enjoy some tourist-y photos.

This is not photoshopped! Beautiful, eh?

One happy camper.

Bow River, Dontown Calgary. Ignore the hobos in the back. ;)

Chillin' lke a villain in Golden, B.C.

Beautiful; Bow Falls. I prayed namaz/salah on that rock behind me, you see? It was WONDERFUL, subhanallah.

Asta la vista mes bellissimas! (3 langauges rolled into one sentence, ftw.)

Still the reigning Queen of Bad Puns.

The Ignorance-3000

*[Prologue]: (Can there even be a prologue prior to a blog post?! Anyways.) This piece is titled "The Ignorance-3000", as evident above. It is rather fitting to post this now, I feel, all with what is going on with Islam in media and under so much scrutiny. I originally wrote this a few months back (in April) for a community performance, which was followed by an interactive dialogue, called 'Freedom-a-Nation', while I was a part of a group called The Surrey Urban Youth Project. This event was to use creative mediums to portray how welcoming and inclusive communities could look like in [my] community. Performing this in front of a group of about 200 was incredibly fun and, hopefully, impactful as well! It rendered some laughs and thoughtful questions during the dialogue. Later (in May), I adapted it into a piece of prose to submit to my school's writing contest. Surprisingly, it won first place in the Senior category--but hey, I'm not complaining! ;) Hope y'all enjoy.
p.s. I'm loving all the amazing support I've been getting from you guys about UUU, m'A! Thank you!

[Note]: the following is a work of satire.

*in the voice of an infomercial commentator*
Do you often get showered with compliments? To people automatically assume you’re brilliant and cunning with just one glance? Is it getting tougher and tougher to suppress your rapidly increasing self-esteem?

Well, have no fear, the Ignorance-3000 is here! This product is so simple, even a 13-year-old boy can manoeuvre it!

Imagine this. You’re walking home from school one day.  The sun is shining brilliantly, the birds are sing-a-linging.  Your friends continue to be a source of entertainment, yet embarrassment, as you parade down the streets of Surrey.  Things are perfect--too perfect--so perfect, they’re, in fact, not! Wouldn’t this be the perfect time to add a little ignorance into your life!? The perfect time to salvage this dreadful situation?  With the Ignorance-3000 you can do just that!

To use, simply hold it at a 45 degree angle from your face, turn the nozzle in a circular motion, and the Ignorance-3000 will make the next person that walks by, what else? Ignorant!  Words like, “terrorist!”, “go back to your country!” and other such expletives will begin to rush out of the mouths of those fortunate to walk by, if, for an example, I used the product!

The secret lies within the extract of a rare human attribute--apathy.  Coupled with our finest selection of “lack of knowledge”, this product is simply the best on the market! It will make all your dreams come true! Never will you have to face kindness and tolerance again!

Not convinced? Well, take a look at what some of our satisfied customers had to say.

Customer #1:
I absolutely recommend this product to anyone who’s been going through long durations of happy times. I used it just once, and instantly I was called a “meat-eater” by someone passing by, as I stood next to a stuffed chicken in the Toy section of our local grocery store! It felt great to be interpreted as one thing, when I’m another, especially because I’m a devout vegan!

Customer #2:
For a long time, I’ve relied on news reports of destructive hurricanes and registered sex offenders roaming my neighbourhood as sources of worry for me. But with the Ignorance-3000, I can bring the worrying on to a way more personal level!  Like today, casually walking down the street, I was bombarded with rocks, thrown by a group of girls. They called me ’butch’ and ’dyke’. They told me to make up mind: was I a girl or a boy?
Being insulted by strangers is something I didn’t think I’d get to experience in my lifetime. For that, I am so grateful to the makers of Ignorance-3000!

Customer #3:
I love it! I love it! The Ignorance-3000 just clears any tolerance away, exactly like they say. Just the other day, I had a job interview, and I took the Ignorance-3000 with me, and, oh my goodness, the results were fantastic. I didn’t get the job! My potential employer  insisted that because of the colour of my skin, it was blasphemous of me to think they’d hire me. I left their office, feeling like I’d never felt before. It was truly a humbling, and wonderful experience that I feel everyone should have at least once in their life! Go and try the Ignorance-3000 right now!

Well, there you have it folks. You heard it here. The ignorance-3000 can change your life, so what are you waiting for!?
Limited quantities only, so order now! Operators are standing by. Simply place your order at 604-123-4567 and with just 8 easy payments of $49.99, the Ignorance-3000 CAN be yours…

Freaky, huh?

SUBURBAN WHATTHEFAWKERY

I'd like to thank everyone for their feedback on my last post; it's refreshing to witness so much optimism!

On a lighter note...
The sun is currently filtering in through my blinds and making me sweat profusely. It would be wise to not go ahead and smell my armpits. However, it would be wise for me to show!thrustinyourface!proclaim!portray!display!air!blazon!
showcase!flaunt!
what I wore washing the dishes the other day.

Jokes!

Domestication to me is like the appendix to our body's sustenance: vestigial. (WHOA, I still remember some Biology 11! Whowouldathunkit?) Anyways, said outfit was really worn to my friend's very successful surprise 18th birthday--we're such good friends, it was only 3 weeks belated. ;)

Being model-ly is my day job--doesn't pay well though, hmph.

who what wear?

• vintage dress: $1, F as in Frank (I have more to tell y'all about F as in Frank!)
• sequined cardigan: $6, vintage, Value Village 
• stilleto booties, $5, vintage, thrifted
• bracelet + ring: both gifts!
• necklaces: Suzy Shier, Forvever 21 
• faux-leather tights: y'all should know by now!

How bowteeful, right, right, right?

outfit commentary: Boy, was this one awkward dress to style. It had a plunging, heaving neckline and backline. It kept falling off my shoulders, too! Of course, with its short sleeves, I added the sequined cardi, but before I had, I was stumped  about what to do. Layering a long-sleeve shirt under was not my cup of tea--unless you like bulky--yech.  Still, I love this funky, 80'es-esque little number: it has got the cutest, most vivacious, lucious, bouncy, full skirt ever! And bows on not only the sleeves, but butt as well! And at a dollar-somethin'somethin--its a TOTAL STEAL!

          Goodbye Loverlies! Also, 60 followers + 95 likes on Facebook!? SPLENDID. Thanks y'all! Will be around to check out new blogs, soon iA. 

CONFESSIONS OF A GRATEFUL HUMAN BEING.

My problem? I'm not going to be able to attend My Dream University.
This week alone, 8 were killed by a suicide bomber in Iraq.
At least I'm still going to get an education from an internationally-renowned university; one of the best in the country.

photo source: http://www.jpost.com/HttpHandlers/ShowImage.ashx?ID=140984

My problem? I don't know if I'm choosing the right career path.
This week alone, 10 were shot by the Taliban in Afghanistan.
At least I'm able to do whatever I want, venture out, with my own free will.

photo source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1301216/British-doctor-executed-Taliban-Afghanistan-marry-weeks.html

My problem? My parents said I have to purchase my own DSLR camera, if I so desire one.
This week alone, 15 were killed by floods in Europe. At least I'm still able to get one, amongst other materialistic items.

photo source: http://in.reuters.com/article/idINIndia-50702220100808

My problem? I have no plans for this sunny, gorgeous, blue-sky day.
This week alone, 52 were dead from wildfires in Russia.
At least I'm still able to use adjectives like 'gorgeous' for things pertaining to my life.

photo source: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1301558/Russia-wildfires-700-die-day-Moscow-smog-doubles-mortality-rate.html

My problem? I'm feeling extremely famished whilst fasting during the abnormally sweltering hot weather we've been receiving.
This week alone, 1600 people were dead from floods in Pakistan. 15 million have been affected by it.
At least I know I will be able to break my fast tonight with a home-cooked meal consisting of not only comfort food, but auspicious delicacies as well.

photo source: http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE66T3RS20100812

There is so much to be grateful for, alhamdulillah, I often forget.

But I can't forget some of the sickening and infuriating comments that I read here.

Sigh. So much hate in this world.

This is what's happening under my umbrella.

All this free time (the summer, I mean) has given me the chance to do a lot of thinking. It seems that in the past year, with the suffocation of academia in my senior year of highschool, I forgot how to...think. But anyways, this would be a whole 'nother post--rather, several posts.

Some business to take care of, first!
1. I've been featured again! I mean, you know, whatever, this sort of thing happens all the time, so like, whatever.
AHCJDKJ!
Nope.
I can't portray the nonchalance of other bloggers who oh-so-casually mention near the end of their post that oh! "oh yeah, I've been featured on Big Deal Magzine" or "I have an interview with Really Popular National T.V. Station". AND HONEY, frankly, I don't do nonchalance! (Doesn't really fit in with the whole 'maximalist' thing, 'n'awwww mean!?) But anyways, this time it was on another cool blog called MuslimStreetFashion! It even sounds super swell, right? Obviously, I follow it! Go check it out, y'all, HERE!

GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE

2. Hey, my fellow female Muslim followers! Have you signed up for SistersWhoBlog Network yet!? It's a social networking site for female Muslim bloggers. It's got HEAPS of benefits. So take a look for yourself and join! GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE!

And, if you join because you heard it from me...do let me know! (I need to recruit five people for the SWB awards.) Speaking of which, if you like Under Urooba's Umbrella...please vote for me! Put your name on the voting list...HERE! Thanks, guys!

3. I've going to be adding a spiffy new feature to UUU. I call it: Best Comment of the Post.
It'll look something like this:

 Best Comment of the Post:                                                                                                         

Sheila from Sheila'sBlog said: "Whoa, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, radical, blah blah blah!"

It's to encourage creative and engaging comments! As a 'word person', this makes sense, no? I got the idea from Adored Austin's blog! Well, here's to hoping I don't get lazy and actually keep this up.

Goodbye lovers! + outfit post soon! WAHOOOOO.

This is what you would call a...

Ramadan Mubarak!

The setting: an Elementary school classroom, circa 2004. A young girl clad in jeans ripped at the knees (trendsetter, obviously) frantically shoves her belongings in her backpack (which she proudly bought with her own money because it was the coolest backpack in the whole wide world), eager to arrive home after a long day, after having endured the calamities and social atrocities that is the seventh grade. Before stepping out, she remembers to retrieve the gourmet concoction (hardly; it was purchased from a bake sale!) that she's been saving all day. Fondling her chocolate cupcake with butter cream frosting and rainbow sprinkles, she's greeted at the door of the classroom by a teacher, Mr. Caldwell.

"Oh my, you've been saving that cupcake all day? Boy, you've got willpower!"

The young girl smiled shyly (she did this a lot) and replied,"It's Ramadan, I'm fasting. God gives me willpower. And... I couldn't miss out on 25 cents cupcakes!"

That young girl, namely, being me. 

“The month of Ramadan in which was revealed the Qur’aan, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion (between right and wrong)”

[al-Baqarah 2:185]

  "If the servants knew the value of the month of Ramadan, they would like the whole year to be Ramadan."

Source: Baihaqi 

"O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint."

~ [al-Baqarah, 2:183]

photos source: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/08/ramadan_2009.html

I love Ramadan! Ramadan Mubarak to all you beautiful people! 

Got no clue what Ramadan is? Check out some info HERE!

Jersey Shore? Should be called Jersey BORE.

The other day I had the misfortune of settling down to watch a little television with The Sibs. What was on? Jersey Shore.
After 10 minutes, I felt like I'd lost quite a few brain cells.
I may also have contracted an STD.

Seriously, if I wanted to witness anything of the Jersey Shore variety, I could've sat in the cafeteria of my high school. :) [I mean, there had to be a reason why we frequented North Hall, instead. And fine, yes, sometimes The Chem Room. And yes, sometimes Mr. Singh's Math Class. Well, alright. Geeks, nerds, what have you. Yes, we were. BUT WE WERE SO TOTES OK WITH THAT, N'AW MEAN?]

Oh yes, this post will spark controversy seeing as how wildly popular Jersey Bore is.
Well, I can't wait!

UUU UPDATES. Handlin' some business like you know how I do + EXCITING NEWS.

1. My very first feature--exciting, exciting, exciting! The incredibly cool Rania from Fashioning Faith: Style Inspiration for Muslim Women, has done a post on my style! Ack! She's from Indonesia--how very exotic, huh?! Check it out HERE, and meanwhile, check out her blog, too! It's CHOCK full of incredible inspiration--I became a follower recently, soon after I found her blog. (I did a 'happy dance' after I found out she wants to feature l'il 'ol me. Err, no I didn't. Err, you didn't hear it from me. Err, somebody has surely hacked my blogger! And I can't press the backspace button!).

Add caption

 

 

 

 

GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE GO HERE

 2. Recently, I did something that takes a lot of gumption and guts (not really). One must be really self-confident and be extremely courageous and what not to do what I just did (ah, no)...
...I made a facebook fan page for Under Urooba's Umbrella! Rather, you can now 'like' Under Urooba's Umbrella on facebook! What, you say, you don't know what facebook is!? Well, it's a social networ--Oh, that isn't the problem, you say? Ouf! Right.
Here is where you can go ahead and hit like--I will like YOU, if you do. (There is also a widget for my Page on the left side of my blog, if you should decide you are too pompous to like it from here. Or perhaps you are seeking a thrill of sorts and believe you wil find it from liking UUU by going to the left side of my blog. THE POINT IS, go ahead and like it. =)):


3. My formspring's been running a little bit empty. Now I know y'all ARE DYING to ask me questions. So, unearth yourself from your shyness and do proceed to ask!
ALRIGHT.
You caught me.
It's me.
I'M the one who IS DYING to have you ask me questions.
I admit it.
You caught me.
SO please, won't you respond in the most positive manner to this confessional?! :D
ASK ME HERE (or on the left side of my blog!):

http://www.formspring.me/urooba 

Late Night/Really Early Morning and Largely Overdue Inspiration. Nothing more and nothing less.

 sources: Colours of My Life by Shahirah Elaiza, The Sartorialist, TeenVogue.com, Hijab Scarf, Denim on Denim, Lost at E Minor, Fashion Pirates