Cravings for solitude are supplemented by my realization this year that there has been a lack of salience within my relations with others. This has exacerbated feelings of existential nihilism within me. But there are ebbs & flows within this paradigm. It's certainly not conclusive, nor is it a replacement. It's like how when palm fronds become wet when beaten with pouring rain during a tropical storm, but that which the very next day are dried under a hot sun.
"Wrong solitude vinegars the soul, right solitude oils it.
How fragile we are, between the few good moments."
—Jane Hirshfield, Vinegar and Oil
—Jane Hirshfield, Vinegar and Oil
It's during these 'oily' moments where I discover, for example, that I want to sit under the sun for hours and watch Frida Kahlo paint while I swish around on her terrace in her one of her many maxi skirts.
So the next best thing is to don a swishing maxi skirt. Channel my inner Frida Kahlo.
"I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do.
I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you."
—Frida Kahlo
WHO WHAT WEAR?
pleated skirt, U0, $10
ruffled coral button-upshirt, Mintage, $6
sequinned vest, Mother's from the 80's
gold & green earrings, gifted, from Abu Dhabi
pleated skirt, U0, $10
ruffled coral button-upshirt, Mintage, $6
sequinned vest, Mother's from the 80's
gold & green earrings, gifted, from Abu Dhabi
And in these moments you discover that poets are your long-lost friends. Each word is a reminder of this camaraderie, of this understanding.
loss.
-
"your email says
i feel like a loser a lot,
like i’ve lost.
i think about all the things i’ve lostlike i’ve lost.
weight, lovers, memory, dignity, time, self respect and people
most of all i lose people
to prison, to ghosts, to the ground
to a changed phone number
to a nothing that meant everything.
i start to count loss with my fingers
the summer we lost our home
and last year,
my pride
my innocence and my milk teeth in the same winter
my father, my brother
my country, my accent.
the television tells us that we have to ’let go’and i do.
even my secrets
i lose to poems."
—Warsan Shire
It is only natural to wear your feelings. Mine take the form of sequins, feathers, geometric prints, faux leather, gemstones, and colour. At once.
WHO WHAT WEAR?
blue sequinned chopped leotard, F As in Frank vintage sale, < $2
colourful geometric-print pleated skirt, thrifted, $6
feather earrings, Aldo, $7
faux-leather tights, Silence + Noise, $10
blue pumps, thrifted, $3
bag, UO, $10
♥ ♥ ♥
faux-leather tights, Silence + Noise, $10
blue pumps, thrifted, $3
bag, UO, $10
Finally, twenty years of existence, and the last few under the influence of a certain set of politics and poetics, can only make one yearn for a "connection with someone that isn't predicated on aesthetic ideals."(https://disquietblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/12/you-cant-hurry-love/)
But then there is this wonderful reminder
"We mustn't be in love with the ritual of love."
—Vivian Gornick
As someone whom I deeply admire has put it, we instead "must cultivate healthy solitude & healthy love of self."
As someone whom I deeply admire has put it, we instead "must cultivate healthy solitude & healthy love of self."
Drop me a line, so I can add things to The Summer Reading List, lovers.
