Top 3 Phenomenons that Occur on a Jamal-Family Road Trip

[prologue]: this post is largely overdue. We decided to trek out to our neigbouring province, Alberta, in the last week of July. (Literally a DAY after we got back from L.A.) As can be witnessed by one glance at a calendar (or iPhone apps(?) for all you technological folks that proclaim,"PRINT IS DEAD!") it is now the last week of August. No worries, this post will still be as delicious as it would have been, if posted on time.
**do NOT pay attention to my outfits! I dressed like a bum because: 
1. it was a family vacay. 'nuff said.
2. it was HOT. forget accessorizing and layering!
3. it was a family vacay.

1. There are an incessant amount of bathroom breaks. It's as if my parents are a part of an impromptu competition in which the objective is to stop at all the available rest areas every half hour increments. What do they think the prize is!? A natural cure for thier diarrhea? A rare, not-yet-FDA-approved laxative that will relieve their constipation with only a few severe side effects? Or perhaps they want bragging rights. Like, *insert Pakistani/Indian accent*,
"Vee stopped at all tha vaashroomz on tha vay. That is nearly vun-hundred vaashroomz!"
Whoa, that deserves some cyber applause, hey? Applause for my parents, please!

Example one of bad outfit. Just enjoy the scenery, please!

2. A giant bags of Doritos is consumed. You can't mess with tradition, and if tradition is an American-originated-Mexican-influenced crunchy tortilla snack smothered with artificial cheese, then so be it. Purchased from the The Real Canadian Superstore (adorably coined 'Stupidstore' when we were naive grade-school children and did not appreciate the convenience of buying socks and celery FROM THE SAME STORE, OMG.), it is precariously placed in a laundry basket. (My parents refuse to believe that it is one, thinking instead it's an oversized picnic basket. Really, parents, really?). 5 minutes on the road and one of my snooty siblings (out of MANY. Okay, three. m'A) proceed to complain about their dying hunger. They then proceed to stuff their grubby little faces, powdered cheese flying every which way and drool escaping their mouths periodically.

I present one grubby little face. See me in the background all perlexed and exasperated? Yup, t'is how the story unfolds.

3. We MUST must must stop at ALL "Welcome to Blah blah blah..!" signs. It is a prerequisite for a good vacation, I think that is what my family thinks. The following pictures are proof of said debauchery of self-dignity:

So there you have it folks! The top 3 phenomenons that occur on Jamal-Family Road Trips. (As if that wasn't blantaly obvious by the title, sheesh). Please, now, enjoy some tourist-y photos.

This is not photoshopped! Beautiful, eh?

One happy camper.

Bow River, Dontown Calgary. Ignore the hobos in the back. ;)

Chillin' lke a villain in Golden, B.C.

Beautiful; Bow Falls. I prayed namaz/salah on that rock behind me, you see? It was WONDERFUL, subhanallah.

Asta la vista mes bellissimas! (3 langauges rolled into one sentence, ftw.)

The Ignorance-3000

*[Prologue]: (Can there even be a prologue prior to a blog post?! Anyways.) This piece is titled "The Ignorance-3000", as evident above. It is rather fitting to post this now, I feel, all with what is going on with Islam in media and under so much scrutiny. I originally wrote this a few months back (in April) for a community performance, which was followed by an interactive dialogue, called 'Freedom-a-Nation', while I was a part of a group called The Surrey Urban Youth Project. This event was to use creative mediums to portray how welcoming and inclusive communities could look like in [my] community. Performing this in front of a group of about 200 was incredibly fun and, hopefully, impactful as well! It rendered some laughs and thoughtful questions during the dialogue. Later (in May), I adapted it into a piece of prose to submit to my school's writing contest. Surprisingly, it won first place in the Senior category--but hey, I'm not complaining! ;) Hope y'all enjoy.
p.s. I'm loving all the amazing support I've been getting from you guys about UUU, m'A! Thank you!

[Note]: the following is a work of satire.

*in the voice of an infomercial commentator*
Do you often get showered with compliments? To people automatically assume you’re brilliant and cunning with just one glance? Is it getting tougher and tougher to suppress your rapidly increasing self-esteem?

Well, have no fear, the Ignorance-3000 is here! This product is so simple, even a 13-year-old boy can manoeuvre it!

Imagine this. You’re walking home from school one day.  The sun is shining brilliantly, the birds are sing-a-linging.  Your friends continue to be a source of entertainment, yet embarrassment, as you parade down the streets of Surrey.  Things are perfect--too perfect--so perfect, they’re, in fact, not! Wouldn’t this be the perfect time to add a little ignorance into your life!? The perfect time to salvage this dreadful situation?  With the Ignorance-3000 you can do just that!

To use, simply hold it at a 45 degree angle from your face, turn the nozzle in a circular motion, and the Ignorance-3000 will make the next person that walks by, what else? Ignorant!  Words like, “terrorist!”, “go back to your country!” and other such expletives will begin to rush out of the mouths of those fortunate to walk by, if, for an example, I used the product!

The secret lies within the extract of a rare human attribute--apathy.  Coupled with our finest selection of “lack of knowledge”, this product is simply the best on the market! It will make all your dreams come true! Never will you have to face kindness and tolerance again!

Not convinced? Well, take a look at what some of our satisfied customers had to say.

Customer #1:
I absolutely recommend this product to anyone who’s been going through long durations of happy times. I used it just once, and instantly I was called a “meat-eater” by someone passing by, as I stood next to a stuffed chicken in the Toy section of our local grocery store! It felt great to be interpreted as one thing, when I’m another, especially because I’m a devout vegan!

Customer #2:
For a long time, I’ve relied on news reports of destructive hurricanes and registered sex offenders roaming my neighbourhood as sources of worry for me. But with the Ignorance-3000, I can bring the worrying on to a way more personal level!  Like today, casually walking down the street, I was bombarded with rocks, thrown by a group of girls. They called me ’butch’ and ’dyke’. They told me to make up mind: was I a girl or a boy?
Being insulted by strangers is something I didn’t think I’d get to experience in my lifetime. For that, I am so grateful to the makers of Ignorance-3000!

Customer #3:
I love it! I love it! The Ignorance-3000 just clears any tolerance away, exactly like they say. Just the other day, I had a job interview, and I took the Ignorance-3000 with me, and, oh my goodness, the results were fantastic. I didn’t get the job! My potential employer  insisted that because of the colour of my skin, it was blasphemous of me to think they’d hire me. I left their office, feeling like I’d never felt before. It was truly a humbling, and wonderful experience that I feel everyone should have at least once in their life! Go and try the Ignorance-3000 right now!

Well, there you have it folks. You heard it here. The ignorance-3000 can change your life, so what are you waiting for!?
Limited quantities only, so order now! Operators are standing by. Simply place your order at 604-123-4567 and with just 8 easy payments of $49.99, the Ignorance-3000 CAN be yours…

Freaky, huh?