Tuesday, January 25, 2011

What Not to Watch

*What Not to Wear is a fairly well-known makeover reality show hosted by two stylists, Stacey and Clinton, who give themselves way too much credit. Ambushing unsuspecting victims (who, to be fair, have committed abominable fashion crimes) with their coiffed hairstyles and voices with unusual and distinctively annoying timbres, their sole (ha!) mission is to strip personality from every individual’s wardrobe and mould an army of generically dressed people, under their limited definition of stylish.  

However, witnessing the hysteria that is usually involved with detaching frumpy 45 year old women from their beloved Mickey Mouse denim and paisley overalls makes What not to Wear slightly justifiable, in terms of tuning in for it. If you find yourself doing just that, it is of utmost importance to note that what you wear whilst watching ‘What Not to Wear’ is also of particular significance.

Let us tackle the uniform that must be donned, one region of the human physique at a time.

1. The lower half: Denim jeans are a viable option. It is preferable you don the most expensive pair you own. A pair that enabled you to spend more time with a complete stranger than is deemed necessary. This complete stranger being, the sales clerk that is trained to make you believe that your denim must have your genetic code ingrained in it. It must lift your buttocks (but not so much they’re too perky), must slim your buttocks (but not so much they’re too flat), must define your curves (but not so much so your hips looks too wide), must trim your wide hips (but not so much so that you give the illusion of no curves)…These contradictory statements dispelled at you are simply a test of your intelligence. The more you’ve paid for your jeans, the more you’ve fallen into the lure of a part-time employee’s marketing tactics. However, fear not! Stacey and Clinton will tell you that that is okay! That’s why the suburban moms on the show are sent to shop at stores they normally cannot afford to go to. After all, the more you spend, the better you look in the end, right? Questioning this would distract you from attentively watching ‘What Not to Wear’, so it is best if you simply just don your most pricey pair of jeans.

2. The upper half: Ditto. Wear something expensive. Perhaps a blazer you paid $80 too much for. Or a basic t-shirt that you could’ve bought for $9 at most major retailers, but opted to buy at another place that sold it for $97. Remember, you don’t want to be reminded of how the thriftiness that is innately rooted in you is limiting your style capabilities. Watching ‘What Not to Wear’ in clothes you got a great bargain for, could do just that.

3. [real advice, as opposed to prior pseudo-advice] The final touch: Mix in one piece that is inherently ‘you’. This is a remedy for the ‘stylish fashion clone’ effect that Stacey and Clinton are experts in bringing about. Perhaps it is a floral, shoulder-padded jacket that rendered gasps of disgust from your peers in high school, or maybe it is the intricately sequined and beaded vest that makes your best friend shudder in horror at the sight of, or it is simply that purple wool-knit scarf that others have come to associate you with. Wear that piece. Flaunt that piece. Rub that piece in Stacey and Clinton’s obnoxious faces!

And finally, be proud if someone ever nominates you to appear on ‘What Not to Wear’.  Seriously, you're doing something right.
I'd rather look like this, than be styled by Stace + Clin

{I feel majorly disconnected from my blog at the moment. Real life is getting in the way of my cyber one. [What!?!? I don't even know who you are anymore!?] This piece aims to:
  • ensure y'all I'm alive
  • iterate my philosophy on 'reality makeover' shows (my dislike is apparent, yes?), specifically 'What not to Wear', as I was reminded of some concepts outlined in here, from a class discussion today
  • as a means of distraction, as my mama has gone to Stupidstore to buy me some deodorant, because without it I have been unable to shower (!!!)}
Video and outfit post coming soon!
Stay tuned! 

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I suppose I have a genetic disposition to forming a kinship with words. Conducting flowery sentences, making them sing (in offbeat timbres, of course) has proved to be an enjoyable task for me from the beginning of my time. Here is my brilliant literacy (heh!) at age five:
*Agi (Ajji) and Api are nicknames used as a term of endearment (derived from the Urdu language). In this specific case, I use them to refer to The Coolest Cousins Ever (Sameea and Shazia Kamal)!

Hmph. And here I was, thinking I've always been the best speller. Well, I've been the best speller from age 6 and beyond; I"am absoltly shure off it.

Speaking of poetry and literary passages, tomorrow I shall be performing spoken word/slam poetry, for the first time as a university student! Past experiences with this magnificent art form have occurred in grade 11 and 12 English honours classes, Acting 12 class...and at a cool cafe in front of a *real* audience last May.
It's part of Islam Awareness Week, happening on campus- I-slam: Expressed. SO SPIFFY how word-play was able to derive from that!
Boonaa Mohammed will also be there!!!!! (This requires far more exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!)

Here. And you're welcome.

Boonaa Mohammed is a favourite spoken word artist, as well as Sarah Kay.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Updates, so you're up-to-date!

1. It is seldom when one is auspiciously commended for their active engagement in a recreational activity. So for just this having occurred, I am so immensely grateful! Sisters Who Blog Network held the "2010 Best Blog Awards". By some entropic miracle, Under Urooba's Umbrella won "Best Teen Blog"! 

Thank *YOU* if you voted! Click here! to see the other winners. (However, I am questioning the authenticity of the category I've won under--I'm 18! Do I really classify as a teen? Not that I'm complaining--not at all! :)) As per beautifully beneficial guidelines, my prize will come from this great online boutique called www.ilovemodesty.com/. I was perusing their site the other day, and it would be blasphemous to not check it out! 

2. The following is a short excerpt from the dramatic and poignant best-selling new novel called "How I Achieved Fame and Fortune" by Urooba Jamal:

           And there I was, mindlessly minding my own business, handling the logistical duties that had been thrusted upon me, when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder.
          "Hi, are you Urooba from Under Urooba's Umbrella?"
           I spun around and tried to dispel all traces of bewilderment from my face, and instead attempted to construct a nonchalant demeanor. 
           "Why, yes. Yes, I am." I smiled. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of it all.

Okay. Pompousness aside, the phenomenon of the shoulder tap and the "Hi, are you Urooba from Under Urooba's Umbrella?" bit, did occur this weekend! TWICE. Thank you Tyler from Tyler's Blog and 

Aasia & Aalia Rahguzar from Muslim Youth Girls Association for providing me with giddiness...and for being the fuel to ignite a facebook status update.

3. School has started once again, and it is all too easy to bury oneself in academia. Even if this may not be the case, you'll be coming up with excuses to carve out some free time to watch Dunya videos! 
Wipe that look of scrutiny off your face! Dunya, according to their website and facebook page, is a "media and entertainment website" with the purpose of "bring[ing] communities together through the power of story", and it was started by two spiffy gentlemen who go by the names of Kashif Pasta and Shyam Valera.

Here's episode one of 'Overhshare' --one aspect of Dunya:

And here's episode one of 'Buddy Guys'--another aspect of Dunya!

Subscribe to their Youtube Channelfor more.

4.  Do y'all remember Hijabi Fashion Week? It was that one week in November where I discarded my procrastination abilities to blog every single day! Also known as the coolest week of my blogging life? Well, this will soon be a BI-ANNUAL event! We'd love for it to be huge, huge, huge so keep updated by following Hijabi Fashion Week on Twitter and Facebook! you do realize...that by doing so, you'll be the first to know about giveaways and such, too? That's right--we've got really cool sponsors!

...phew. Information overload.
Toodles, mes lovelies!
Also, "goot, goot" to one very special reader out there! ;)

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Generic Late Night/Early Morning Musings of Someone Caught Between Teenage-dom and Adulthood

Sticking my head outside my window has now become synonymous with looking through a kaleidoscope.
Same wonderment.
Be it a melting pot of aesthetically-appealing shades of purples, pinks, blues, oranges at sunset; or twinkling stars that blink and shine so vividly, so that they are a spectacle I can witness without any synthetic enhancements i.e. eyeglasses, contact lenses, at 2 AM: it's all f'amazingly pretty.

The act of opening my bedroom window / is like opening up a new perspective; refreshing; recharging. 
Let fresh air come in / Let new ideas be constructed
Allow potential parasitic elements to escape your 4-walled haven / Filter your mind with everything that is not proving to assist in improvement of any kind

---We interrupt this philosophical and brilliantly insightful insight to allow for a short commentary from the author of such musings---

Oh hello, there, lads and lasses! Just practicing being poetic. Gotta rev up for Creative Writing this coming semester.
What? You hath thought t'is was truly profound? Verily, thou hast been proven wrong.

Saturday, January 1, 2011


Due to bewildering and awe-inducing circumstances such as different timezones or publishing this post past 12:00 AM PST  it may already be 2011 on your end. So whilst reading the following, it will be so completely anti-climatic for you.
Nevertheless, a very generic Happy New Year's to you all!  *!!!insert hyperbolized excitement!!!*
I should specify, however.
'You all' includes: my lovely 137 google friend connect followers, my lovely 248 Twitter followers, the 147 people on Facebook that 'like' UUU, and my 10 followers on bloglovin'.
Oh, did I forget real life friends and family? Well, you can't blame me. I live in a digital era.

Anyways, best way to start 2011? It's by receiving an award. Seriously. Beats any institutionalized New Year's Eve rituals by tenfolds. After 1 year and 1 month and 8 days of blogging (!!! more hyperbolized excitement!!!) I have received my first blog award.
The honour of the 'Stylish Blog Award' was bestowed upon me by none other than the lovely Prahmahita (what a cool name, eh?) from Growth and Glare!  
Be sure to check out her portion of cyberspace! Rules of the award as follows:
1. thank and link the person who awarded me this award.
2. share 5 things about myself.
3. pay it forward to 5 bloggers.
4. contact these bloggers and tell them about their awards.

I love me some good 'ol blogger-to-blogger love. *coughs*  Makes me and my computer feel all warm inside.

Screw sharing 5 things about myself, I'll follow an Under Urooba's Umbrella tradition: procreate a literary version of my thoughts, and reflect back on the year two-thousand-and-twenty-ten just like last year.

2010 was the year I:
  • developed some new interests:  psychology, aspects of sociology, politics, feminism and current events. I hope to bring these aspects onto l'il 'ol UUU in 2011, so stay tuned!
  • graduated from high school. Is an explanation really necessary?
  • attended "prom" >> The Prom Post
  • wrote my first and last AP exam and rocked it so much that I may just go in for an IQ test. Kidding! However, I did rock it. ;) 
  • Got an internship at www.candorstyles.com.Go on, don't be shy; read my articles!
  • had cravings for cheesecake at odd hours of the day. My circadian rhythm needs...to adopt new rhythm. 
  • My love for wearing old clothes (read: thrifting) reached an all-time maximum: my closet is now NINE-TY PERCENT vintage and/or thrifted.
  • My parents decided I should no longer live like it's 1987 and so I finally received my own mobile cellular device. 
  • Tweeted more times than I've let out long sighs. Or perhaps I've let out long sighs fewer times because I've been able to tweet?
  • The Olympics came to Vancouver! That was a party-and-a-half.
  • When my birthday rolled around in October, I decided that as a new, mature, sophisticated and labyrinthine 18-year-old I would like to have more birthdays. Why? Because studies show that the more you have, the longer you'll live. Well I'll be!
  • I discovered that the lovely thing about going to school with 40,000 other homosapiens is that one experiences mildly-astonishing revelations on a near daily basis. One conversation went a little like this...
Exotic Dude: "I've lived all over the world...I want to be a fisherman." 
Me:.."So you're one of 'em nomads, eh? And hehehe,..you're not serious, right? What're you doing in university then? hehehe.
Exotic Dude: "I want to be an educated fisherman".
  • I've thought of writing a book called "Woes of a Commuter Student Looking to Become an Ex
    One." In the past 4 months I have spent more time on public transportation than with my own self.
  • I'm also continuously refreshing my relationship with God and am striving to become a better Muslim everyday. :)
Well, I could go on forever. But I won't.

8 lovely bloggers I'd like to pass this award onto include:

1. Lexy from Quirky Explosion
2. Shahirah from Colours of my Life
3. Shea from My Amethyst
4. Em from Modesty Theory(founder of Hijabi fashion Week!)
5. Zinah from well, Zinah's blog. :)

Check out their blogs; well worth your time!

See y'all next year! xoxo