Dear Future Soulmate Boy,

Do I have your full and undivided attention?
I better. (Sorry, my rude tone is supposed to come off as lustful, like y'know, take-charge-woo. Is it working? I bet it is).

A friend of a friend of a friend of mine's was proposed to in the most elaborate, sweet and envy-inducing way. Swept her off her feet, I bet he did. Made her swoon, I bet he did. Let's call it...the Awesome Proposal. (Descriptive vocabulary fit for this generation, I believe?).

Hey Future Soulmate Boy (FSB), better grab a pen (ballpoint, maybe?) and a piece of paper (Scented. Just a suggestion). Take some notes, why don't you? (This is not a fervent suggestion, this is an order. Follow it. Um, please?)

I'll lay it out in an easy-to-follow, logical, numbered procession. I hear long pieces of prose are tedious to read for about 67% of males. (I don't know, I'm making up statistics here. This is supposed to come off as if  I am a creative and adaptable person. Is it working? I bet it is).

1. Prior to said Awesome Proposal being carried out, have a chat with my parents. Tell them what you are planning to do. (Under any circumstances do not let them act as chaperones. Not only will this effectively swivel away any ounce of romance, it will imitate an arranged-married sort of situation. 'Nuff said, right? Ew.) Gotta keep things halal still, you know how we dooo?

2. Tell me we are going to an amusement park. (Disneyland was the preferred choice for this friend-of -a-friend-of-a-friend's-now-husband. Seeing as I [we] will probably not be residents of Southern California in the next 10 years, [this is the time frame within which I must meet you. No rush, hey?] Disneyland seems improbable. Let's hope the Greater Vancouver region decides to construct another amusement park, other than Playland. However, it will be amusing if Awesome Proposal will be carried out in the same locale as I, as a mere prepubescent girl/woman, went on a field trip to, for the first time in the 7th grade).

3. Call the amusement park people well ahead of time, and arrange something special. (Like I don't know, reserving a boat at a boat ride at the amusement park of choice. Perhaps a phalanx of chiseled Greek-god-resembling violin players could play a harmonious rendition of one of my favourite romantic songs [You could ask about which romantic song to have playing prior to Awesome Proposal. My taste in music is volatile, changes with a press of the FORWARD button . I can't tell you now, sorry!]. You could hire a skywriter, have sparkling apple cider chilling in an ice bucket, compromise with the fireworks people to have fireworks go off at The Right Moment...you know, nothing big].

4. Propose! Get down on one knee, fish out a box with a ring the literal size of a ring pop (but not a ring pop); and say Those Words. (This is supposed to come off as if I'm a person with balanced perspectives of life. An unconventional individual with the right amount of traditional-y views and stuff. Is it working? I bet it is).

And that's it! BAM, DUNZO. And what have you won? My heart.

Tudhffufurfmooncvkcopakjsdjdj--hahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha. *sputters with uncontrollable laughter*
Alright, that's even too corny for me. And I live for the corn!

Seriously, though, I hope you got all that, FSB.